Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Time For a Mustache?

As the now proud and hard working father of two, I’ve noticed a number of changes in my life. For one, I’ve found more and more pink in my world than there as ever been, and I am getting very adept at the orienteering talents of Dora the explorer as well as getting good at anticipating the movements of her nemesis Swiper.
Some of the more manly colors I see like grey have only found their way into my hair as I stress about taking care of my crew of women. Something has to change. It might be time for a mid-life, or in my case, early life crisis! It might be time, for a mustache!

I seem to recall when I was growing up many of the kids fathers I was aware of had mustaches…it was the fatherly thing to do. Hey, my dad had one, and even a beard for a good long while, so why not me?

I’m sure that an argument could be made against this, noting that a mustache is really more of a Magnum P.I. type thing to do…


…or perhaps would better suit a silent actor.
But I ask, how dignified does news anchor Ron Burgundy look with his nose tickler? How about local favorites Jim Vance or Leon Harris? And I answer; dignified, fatherly, cool, that’s how they look. This is how I could look.


I can hear the haters already saying, “Andrew, don’t embarrass yourself, you probably couldn’t grow one if you tried.” Rest assured, I’ve heard your complaints loud and clear and believe me, if I didn’t have the support of many, I wouldn’t even be going down this road. No no, not my spouse or my daughters. I mean the American Mustache Institute. Established to help with facial hair advocacy, the AMI supports those Americans who choose to have a mustache not be discriminated against. This is a cause I could get behind.

As a mustached American, I could also be entitled to a tax benefit: “The STACHE Act offers incentives for people of Mustached American heritage in the form of a $250 deduction for expenditures for mustache grooming supplies in the determination of Adjusted Gross Income.” So you see, it is not only my duty as a husband and father to grow a mustache, but it is my duty as a tax-paying patriotic American to grow a mustache.

I could even be president some day…


  1. We at the American Mustache Institute believe there is nothing more brave, austere, fatherly, nor more American that you could then to grow a Labia Sebucula, which of course, is Latin for "lip sweater." Indeed.

    Carry on.

  2. I am all for it. Perhaps an updated picture placed on this site every few days would be appropriate. I would be delighted to take such pictures and have begun oiling my camera in anticipation.