The Angry/Lazy Mailman

As many of you may or may not have noticed. My dad has started a blog called “Faces of Culpeper.” It’s one of the fun projects he is doing now that he is retired to highlight some of the hard-working every-day folks that make Culpeper one of America’s top 10 small towns. I highly recommend you check it out.

One face you won’t see on that blog, however, is our mailman.

No, not this mailman:

…or even this mailman:

But this mailman:

Now, bear in mind that this is only my assumption of what he might look like…I’ve never actually seen him. Part of the reason I haven’t seen him is that he rarely delivers the mail if there is even a hint of an obstruction in front of the mailbox. In fact, this particular mailman appears to have a 5-10 foot radius (in any direction) wherein he will not deliver the mail if something may appear to be in the neighborhood of quite possibly coming close to blocking his truck from getting to the mail box. Such was the case this past weekend as my car was parked 3 feet from the mailbox. The mailman came and the mailman went and no delivery was made.

I did some research in anticipation of writing this particular entry and I learned that the U.S. Postal Service has been around in some form or another since 1775, when it was created by none other than Benjamin Franklin. I also learned that the famous motto attached to the postal service: “Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds” Is not actually its motto at all. This particular motto is attached to the James Farley post office in New York, but does not extend beyond. Apparently, it is derived from a quote that refers to the ancient courier service of the Persian Empire. (If it's on Wikipedia it must be true).

In Culpeper, our carrier’s motto appears to be: No Impediment Too Small.”

Perhaps I was just spoiled growing up in the 80s with Cliff Clavin as the model for what a mailman should be.  An everyday guy who makes his rounds, does his job, and goes to the local watering hole after a hard day’s work.

At this point, I would even settle for the mailman from the Chevy Chase classic Funny Farm who nearly mowed people down delivering the mail…not even slowing down to drop the mail in the box but just chucking it out the window as he drove by. I mean, at least I would get it.

So, when you’re out at your mailbox today pulling out those bills, ads, self-mailers, occasional pertinent letter, and other such items in your mailbox, remember, somewhere out there in the town of Culpeper, VA, there is a mailman not delivering because a small ant hill has formed in front of the mailbox and it is just too much to ask for him to climb over that little Mount Everest and deliver the mail.

Cliff: “If I wasn’t wearing this uniform, I’d ask you to step outside.”

Norm: “If you weren’t wearing that uniform, we’d all step outside.”