Me on American Idol

Last night wrapped up another season of American Idol. It was the culmination of a process that started probably last summer or fall with thousands upon thousands of people auditioning for their one shot at fame and fortune.

Idol has been going on 10 seasons now and in that time I have gone from being in the age-appropriate bracket to audition to now being no longer eligible. But it made me wonder, really, could I have been a contestant on American Idol?

If this show had been around when I was in high school, I don’t think there is any question that I would’ve auditioned. I think me and all my friends would have gone to the closest audition locale and camped out if need be to audition. I think I can honestly say that that time represented the height of my singing confidence…maybe a few years beyond like 21-23 somewhere in that range. This is not to say that I am not confident in my ability now, it’s just that sometimes when you are that young you still don’t know what you can’t do, and that’s a good thing.

So, here’s what my audition would’ve looked like in, let’s say, anywhere between 1998-2002 (I understand it started in 02, but had it been around when I was younger…you get what I’m saying, just go with it) :

Me: “Hi my name is Andrew and I’m going to be singing ‘Don’t Look Back in Anger’ by Oasis. “

(Singing)

Randy: “I don’t know dog…I’m not sure the Brit-pop is really your thing man…it was good, not great. It was just alright for me”

Paula (still on the show): “I thought it was just marvelous, I could really tell that you really didn’t want the person you were singing to, to look back in anger.”

My internal dialogue: “Right, well, I just like Oasis.”

Guest Judge Rob Thomas: “I think you did good man, I think you’ve got a good sound, you just need to work on your wardrobe.”

Simon: “Frankly Andrew (pronounced ON-drew) I thought it was a bit boring and forgettable. I mean, you’ve got a decent voice, but what else is there? This is something you might see at a high school senior solo night or something..."

Randy: “Alright, Simon yes or no?”

Simon: “It’s a no from me.”
Randy: “Rob Thomas…?”
Rob Thomas: “Yeah man, I’m going to give you another chance.”
Randy: “Paula Abdul…?”
Paula: “A million percent YES!…”
Simon: “Then it all comes down to you Randy…”
Randy: “I don’t know dog…”
Me: “Come on Randy; give me one more chance…”

Randy: “Alright, it’s a yes from me, WELCOME TO HOLLYWOOD!”

So there you have it, I think I was good enough to make it to Hollywood, but not much beyond that. While I think I can carry a tune pretty well, and it was good enough to sell about 30 Tapes of the infamous band Tandem, I don’t think I’d have the range or the chops to hang with the idol hopefuls in Hollywood…particularly the group numbers. My response would be… “Wait, we have to dance? Nobody said anything about dancing.” Plus, my song choices probably wouldn’t have been to Simon or Randy’s musical proclivities…James Taylor, Oasis, Counting Crows, the Wallflowers, the Beach Boys etc…

Oh well, the best part about never auditioning is being able to sit back on my couch and say, “oh yeah, I’m totally better than any of these clowns.”

As for Seacrest, I bet he would’ve liked me…